Again and Again and Again
by Emma CS Me
Summary: The wife, the child, the best friend, the possessor, the man, the boy. It's almost remarkable how many people can get hurt.  Sweden/Finland, Sweden/Latvia, less cracky than it sounds.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** Another fic written for hetalia_kink, the prompt: "_Sweden has an affair with someone and Finland comes home one day and catches them in the act. Then followed by a annnnngsty argument of some sort regarding said affair. I want to see some tears and shouting matches or whatever for our "happy couple". The person whom Sweden has an affair with can be anyone, but I'd particularly like Norway or Latvia. I have no idea why._". However, this whole idea has kind of grown much beyond what it was originally meant to be. Oops. Named after from the Anne Sexton of the same title.

* * *

**Again and Again and Again**

_**Chapter 1**_

He's home early and he knows it. He gently places his recently-bought groceries down on the table, looking towards the fridge apprehensive – he knows there is no way it's _all_ going to fit, but for the love of god he's going to try. Finland's half-way there when he starts paying attention to the noises.

_Thump. Thump._

"Aa-aah," comes a hushed moan. The voice sounds shaky, almost on the edge of tears. The back of Finland's neck prickles, like it's found something familiar–

Oh god, that shuddering and shaking sounds like – like _Raivis_. Latvia.

_Sealand's friend_.

Finland tries to reassure himself; to not panic. _It's probably not him. Everyone's voice gets shaky in the middle of sex. If they're even having sex; maybe you're misinterpreting something completely innocent. Maybe Raivis isn't _with_ Peter, right? He'd be too scared to have sex where he lives, with Russia watching over him and everything. Maybe he just used the house of whoever he knew wouldn't _kill_ him for it. And besides, Sealand's not twelve anymore – he's almost fifteen! Not the ideal age, but not completely..._

He should be listening to all that. But his instinct says poor Peter is just a _child_, and he should go get his rifle and snipe anyone who would touch him. No matter _how_ young and sweet and claimed by a deranged maniac.

"Mmm, ah-ah-ah," comes the voice again, and Finland blanches. That's _definitely_ Raivis. He tries to make himself not panic again, when something else prickles at the back of his mind.

Latvia's voice is the only one he can hear. And Finland somehow doesn't think he'd bother being here if he'd only get caught alone. In Finland's experience, very few people are capable of remaining _completely_ silent throughout sex – in fact, the only one he knows is the man he's never quite managed to make scream no matter _how _long they've been together; his very own husband...

Finland shakes the thought away. _Don't be ridiculous!_ he tells himself. _Raivis knows you; he wouldn't do that to you – to Sealand! He's a good boy, he doesn't run around having sex with people's significant others._

With an embarrassed (and rather nauseous feeling), Finland starts for the stairs. He doesn't want to have to _see_ anything, but if his son is being taken advantage of he has to intervene. Even though Peter will probably not be pleased. The trials of parenthood.

As he goes up, the moaning and gasping gets louder. "Oh-oh, _p-p-please_, h-harder," the voice whispers – it's definitely Raivis, and clearly there's someone with him. Finland steels himself and puts on his Iron Father face.

He can't help but listen closer, for another voice. Something that would tell him who exactly Latvia is with. _Sealand. It has to be Sealand,_ he tells himself, but all he hears are the tiniest grunts and thumps against the wall – like he's heard before, again and again and again...

_Don't think that. Don't even think it. Sweden would never._

"Y-_yes_, there," comes a moan as Finland waits outside the door. "I w-w-want you so bad, _oh god_..."

It makes Finland want to throw up, but it also makes him want to smile. Young love and all that.

One he's stopped Raivis taking advantage of his son, and made handy use of his sniper rifle until the boy never will again.

He swings the door open. Latvia makes a panicked noise. Once Finland gets inside, he freezes altogether.

"...Oh god."

Because suddenly, everything he was denying thinking hits him at full force. There is Sweden, his _husband_, and he is holding Latvia against the wall with the boy's legs wrapped around his waist, and they're both flushed, naked and sweaty, and Finland knows _exactly_ what was happening bow and he truly is about to be sick.

He stares at Sweden. Sweden stares at him. Latvia whimpers vaguely until Sweden pulls out and lets him down from the wall.

There is more staring.

"...Finl'nd," says Sweden eventually, slightly out of breath.

"Sweden," says Finland. "...I thought I heard something."

Sweden just keeps staring, mouth gaping open slightly, and Finland can't stand this. He can't stay in this room with their nakedness and the reeking scent of sex. He shakes his head and starts to walk out of the room. He doesn't truly know where he's going, but Sweden follows him anyway.

"Finl'nd, wait!"

He turns around. "Really? Is that what I'm meant to do?" he asks. "Just wait around in that little room while and you and your..."

Sweden looks pained. Good. He should be hurting. "Finl'nd, I didn't mean to..."

"What? You slipped and... your cock just sort of wound up inside him?" Tino asks. Sweden sighs sadly, and Finland can't help but laugh. "God, Sweden, how old is he? Seventeen? You're _sick_."

"'S perfectly legal," says Sweden, and yes Finland knows. "'N we're all nations."

"_Stop_," he says. "God, I can't – I can't even look at you."

"Y' were never meant to f'nd out."

"Is that meant to make it better? It doesn't."

"'M _sorry_–"

"Who cares?" Finland yells. "That – do you think all of this is just going to... go away because you're _sorry_? That I'm going to not _know_ that you had... and dear god, Su-san, what about Sealand? Raivis is his _best friend_; you think he'll handle it well when he realizes the boy is spreading his legs for his _dad_, of all people?"

"Mr-Mr. Finland?"

Finland blinks at a second voice chiming into the conversation. Latvia is now waiting in the doorway, clothes hastily thrown on. He's shaking even more than usual, looking like he's about to faint or vomit. It does a little to ease Finland's gnawing hate for the boy and need to see him suffer, but not enough. Raivis hesitantly meets his eye.

"I-It's not all Mr. Sweden's fault, Finland," he says, hesitantly stepping forward. "I-It was more my idea than his. I – I just – I really am _sorry_, Mr. Finland, but that first time–"

"First time?" Finland latches onto, in disbelief. _Oh god no_. "You mean this has happened before?"

There's a pause, and Latvia and Sweden share an uncomfortable look before slowly, hesitantly Latvia nods. Sweden just avoids his eyes. _Coward_.

Finland smothers a sob. "When?" he asks. "How long has this been going on? God – how many _times_?"

"Couple o' weeks," says Sweden. "Three or four t'mes. F'nland–"

"Stop!" says Finland as Sweden tries to reach for him, making Latvia jump back. "Don't touch me like you can..."

He can't finish his sentence, and Sweden sighs sadly. He looks ashamed.

Latvia is recoiling from the scene, doing up the last of his buttons and smoothing down his hair. "I-I should go."

"_Yes_," says Finland, "Get out of my house, you _slut_."

"Finl'nd–" Sweden looks concerned, and Latvia looks like he's about to cry. Finland snorts in disbelief.

"What? He _screwed my husband_, and I'm meant to invite him in for tea and cake, tell him what a good, well-meaning boy he is, who just made a bad mistake? _No_. I'll talk to him how I like and I want him out of here!"

"Y-Yeah, I'll – I'll go." Latvia starts scrambling down the stairs, headed to the door. "But – I-I really am sorry, Mr. Finland. P-please don't tell Peter?"

That sick feeling in Finland's stomach churns at the reminder of his son, and how he relates to all this. "Get out," he says.

Latvia does so, and soon Sweden and Finland are left alone, staring at each other with tears in their eyes.

"Finland–"

"_Stop;_ how many times do I have to say it? I don't want to hear any explanation you could give me."

"Just pl'se l'sten–"

"Why should I?" asks Finland. "What could you possibly say to me that would make me forgive you? That would make all this okay."

Sweden can't answer. They just stare at each other, darkly, until Finland breaks eye contact with a sad smile.

"Well, there you go," he says. "Sweden, go – get some clothes on. Then I... Then I need to go pack."

"Pack?" Sweden's whole body posture stiffens; he seems shocked.

"I can't stay here," says Finland, shaking his head. "At least not for now. I'll wait until Sealand gets home, but... it might be best if he comes with me, after all."

Sweden cringes. "Pl'se don't tell 'im."

In a moment of irrational compassion, Finland says "I won't."

After that, there's just an awkward silence. "Go, Sweden. I told you what to do."

Sweden sighs and steps back into the bedroom, swing the door closed behind him. As soon as he's out of eyesight, Finland starts running for the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Again and Again and Again**

_**Chapter 2**_

"Hey? Latvia?"

Latvia looks up from where he is burying his head in his knees, to see Sealand – his _best friend_ – looming over him. _Oh god, what did Finland tell him?_ "P-please go away," he stutters, before burying his head again, as best he can.

He hopes to hear the sound of footsteps walking away – he doesn't. Instead, Sealand crouches down beside him and Latvia hesitantly raises his head. "Hey? You okay? The amazing Sealand isn't going to just let anyone get away with making you feel like this, you know. Did Russia do something? C'mon, talk to me. Raivis?"

Latvia shudders at the boy's concerned voice. _God, he has no idea_. "I'm f-fine," he stutters. _Please don't worry about me; I know I don't deserve it._ "Sealand... when did you last see your – well, Finland and Sweden?"

Sealand frowns. "This morning. Why?" Latvia hesitates, and Sealand's eyes go wide. "Oh my god, what happened to them? Were they invaded or something so now you have to bare the news–"

"No, no, it's – it's not like that, relax. It's just..."

Latvia hesitates. He doesn't _want_ Sealand to know. Even if he would deserve it, Sealand would look at him like... And he can't cope with that.

"It's – it's not really my place to say." _Liar._ "But something – something important happened... I'm pretty sure. I mean, I d-don't really know _what_..." He is lying to begin with, after all. "I just – I just think it w-w-would be a really good idea if you go back and... talk to them."

This has every chance of backfiring horribly upon him. He thinks – he _expects_ Finland will tell Sealand exactly what he did, if Sealand asks him. And Sealand will never forgive Latvia for that – how could he? Yet Latvia gives it the chance anyway, because... no matter how the thought of losing his best friend hurts, he made his bed, and he must lie in it.

Sealand is frowning at him. "Um, okay... What's going on? Are you okay? Because you're kind of scaring me, and the amazing Sealand dealt with you stabbing me with a flower without freaking out, so this is getting pretty damn weird."

Latvia cringes when he remembers the flower – not a vicious moment, but a mad one, and painful, even just a little. He knows he is crazy. He knows he can hurt people. But it's not his _fault_, he swears, because Mr. Russia has always been there and Latvia can't help but believe he has _absorbed_ the man, let him clutter the walls of Latvia's mind with his own flowers (sunflowers, apparently). All will become one with Russia.

"I'm alright," he says. "It – I don't think it's anything to do with me. J-just – it would be, um, important to – to you – just please talk to your parents, alright Peter?"

Peter's still frowning, but he nods. "Okay." He stands up. "I'll go... do that then. Thanks for the heads up. I'll see ya; try and explain whatever the hell is going on with them once they tell me."

_You won't,_ thinks Latvia, combined with the strangely bitter undercurrent of _how naive can you possibly be?_ He's thankful for it, however. Sealand claps him on the shoulder and walks off, and as Latvia watches him the tears spring to his eyes before he even notices. How very surprising.

It was never meant to happen like this. He never meant to hurt anyone – not Mr. Finland, even; he _likes_ Mr. Finland. He makes good food, and is kind, and treats Sealand well. But Sweden... He knew Sweden. Sweden owned him, and took care of him, giving him his golden age – he let Riga be the largest city in his kingdom, even, if only for a little while. And compared to Mr. Russia... Russia tore him down. So he cherished the man who pulled him up.

He knew that would never happened again, in a modern world – he didn't truly want it to. He was an independent nation, for better or for worse. But he wanted to feel what he felt from Sweden; that protection, that closeness. He never shared his body with Sweden when he was occupied – he was a child – but it was something. And when... it... happened, he felt slightly better.

He buries his head in his knees. It was a crazy thing a crazy boy did, and crazy things hurt people.

* * *

"Um, hey?" calls Sealand as he steps through the front door. "Latvia told me I might want to go home and see you... where are you both?"

It takes a few seconds, but Finland starts scrambling out of the first door on the left and towards him. "Sealand!" he says and hugs the boy tight. _Um, ow,_ thinks Sealand. "I didn't think you'd be back so soon."

"Yeah, well... Latvia told me..." he feels Finland's body stiffen, and soon he pulls out of the hug.

"Tell you? Tell you what?" He seems very, very confused and a little pissed off.

"Um..." Sealand hesitates. "That he thought something important happened here – he didn't know _what_; I think he was just eavesdropping or something... anyway, he told me I should go home and figure it out. So, uh... this is the figuring out bit, right? You guys gonna tell me what _is_ going on?"

Finland stands up, and looks away from him, pacing on the spot. Sealand realizes Sweden is leaning against a doorway across the room. "Seal'nd," he says. "W'sn' expectin' ya yet."

"Yeah, Mama just said that," he says, and he frowns when he doesn't get Finland's usual _don't call me that_ look/reminder of sniping skills. Okay, something is _up_. "...So, could you tell me what's going on? 'Cause I have no idea, and I know you ain't much of a talker, but..."

Finland bites his lip, looking over his shoulder at Sweden. Sweden sighs. "'S complicated."

"Simplify it?"

"Sealand, please stop," says Finland Sealand looks back up at his 'mama', and sees his eyes are bleary and red-rimmed, like he's been crying. Like he could start again soon. He thinks he might see a speck of vomit stuck to Finland's chin – _Gross_.

"Hey, Finland, you okay?" he asks, stepping closer. Finland looks away from him once again. "Mama? You're not even getting mad at me for calling you that."

From his different angle, Sealand can stare through the door into their dining room, and sees – "Hey, Finland, why's your bag there? Why is it packed?"

Finland hesitates, but finally manages to meet Sealand's eyes again. "I'm leaving." Suddenly, he stands up straighter, seeming kind of proud. "I don't know for how long. You can come with me if you like, Sealand, but..."

"Wait, what?" Sealand asks, trying to get his head around this. "Why? What happened? Why do you have to leave? And are you just expecting me to chose you over Papa; because I don't see a real reason you're better than him or anything..."

Both his parents cringe, and – okay, this is getting really confusing. "I didn't say you had to come," says Finland, but into that sweet total-mama voice (even if he'd never admit it), which can make Sealand feel guilty for pretty much anything ever.

"Oh... Gah, that's not what I meant. I just... really, have no idea what's going on."

His parents look back at one another again, and now it's Sweden's turn to look like he's about to cry. Finland sighs.

"Then please, stop asking," he says. "I know who you are and I know how you feel about not knowing things, but – this is best for you, trust us. Now, do you want to come with me to the hotel? You don't have to; please don't let me pressure you."

Finland hesitates. God, his parents are _breaking up_, aren't they? He doesn't understand what's going on or why, or what to do about it. Can he really just go with Finland and abandon his papa? Then again, if he _doesn't_ he's just doing the same to Mama. It doesn't make any sense. He shouldn't have to make this choice. The countries of Finland and Sweden have been independent for centuries, sure, but why can't they just be together like they're meant to be?

There must be someone responsible for this. The most evil, awful, _cruel_ person on the planet. Who hates Sealand that much?

Sweden's voice comes through to him. "Jus' go. 'S prob'ly f'r the best."

Sealand's taken aback by that. Huh? Finland and Sweden share a look; Finland seems just as surprised, and really sad.

Eventually, Sealand sighs in surrender. "Fine," he says. "I'll go with you, Mama. Just give me some time to pack."

He starts to walk up their stairs, leaving his parents alone with their stupid changing and stupid sadness and stupid secrets.

* * *

When they arrive at the hotel, Sealand takes the chance one more time. "So... now we're here and Sweden's not, you're not going to tell me what's going on by any chance, are you?"

"No."

There's an awkward pause.

"...Okay."

And Finland sighs. "Sorry," he says. "Please. I won't... I can't tell you all the details. But... Sweden did something, okay? Not something unforgivable, but something that... hurt me. And I need some time away to deal with this."

Sealand blinks. "Alright then." It's _not_ alright; that doesn't settle much of his curiosity and gets his head full of a million ideas of what could have happened. But he won't ask anymore questions. Both because he doesn't want to annoy Finland, or make this harder on him... and a little because he's scared of what his papa might have done. Sweden is a _good_ man, right? He'd never hurt Finland. So why's he done just that?

He does find another question he wants to ask though. "Hey, how'd Latvia know something was up, anyway? You know, to tell me to go home."

"I saw him outside our house before; I assume he came to see you and overheard us fighting," answers Finland quickly and coldly. Sealand blinks. It makes sense, but...

Finland sighs. "Come on, Sealand. Unpack your things. Then, we can put the TV on, watch whatever you want. I'm really sorry about all this."

"Yeah," says Sealand, stepping forward to lean against his mama's shoulder. He's still not as tall as the man, but he's getting there. "I mean... Me too. I don't want you to be hurting, Mama."

"Don't call me that," says Finland, and Sealand sighs in relief – _finally_. "But... don't you feel responsible for me."

Sealand nods. "Okay," he says.

"Anyway, unpack."

Sealand nods and starts actually being obedient, for once.


	3. Chapter 3

**Again and Again and Again**

_**Chapter 3**_

Finland's impulse tells him to call Estonia.

He's also pretty sure that wouldn't end well.

After all, as much as Eduard is his best friend – he cares a lot about Latvia. He had hardly wail about the whore seducing his husband to Eduard when said whore is Eduard's brother, more or less, right? Eduard probably wouldn't believe him if he did. Latvia seems – has _always_ seemed so sweet and innocent; Tino wouldn't believe what he'd done if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. So he doesn't expect he can win Estonia to his side. Even if he did, what good would it do? They'd get angry at each other. Tear them apart. As angry as Finland is, he doesn't see any good in that. It would just make it easier for Russia to get at them, and he _knew_ Russia – he would never, ever make living with him even worse.

Tino gives a frustrated sigh, looking over to where Sealand is sleeping more-or-less peacefully in the other bed. He can't tell Sealand for fear of upsetting him – with both what his father and his best friend did. He can't tell Estonia for fear of tearing him away from his little brother. He doesn't know who he _can_ tell, so all the while he's left with these _thoughts_ consuming his mind and his heart aching deep in his chest, and it's just not _fair_ because he didn't do anything wrong! He's the victim of all this, right? So why does he have to protect everyone?

Recklessly, he grabs his phone. No, he's not going to tell Eduard everything. But he just... need to talk to someone; as long as he keeps Latvia's name out of it, things should be okay, right?

He pulls himself out of bed and walks into the hallway. He doesn't want to wake up Sealand, after all.

Estonia answers after several rings and Finland is maybe a little eager to talk. "Eduard?"

"Tino," Estonia grumbles, sounding groggy. "It's two AM."

_Oh, yeah, that._ Finland blushes, suddenly feeling bashful. This was probably a bad idea. "...Sorry. I couldn't sleep."

"...Okay," says Eduard, still sounding confused. "What's up? Couldn't you have woken up your husband in the middle of night? That has to be easier."

Finland feels that urge to cry again, but he shakes it away. "Not really," he says (and apparently that shaking didn't work very well, because his voice sounds more than a little raw. Dammit). "It's not like he's here, after all. Not to mention, it would be... counterproductive."

"Wait, what?" Estonia suddenly sounds a lot more awake. "Fin, what happened? Did Sweden leave...?"

"No," Finland answers, trying not to sniffle. "He – he cheated. And I couldn't stay there, at least for awhile. So I... took Sealand and left. We're at a hotel right now. I'm sorry for waking you up, but... I just needed to talk to _someone_."

There's a pause. "...Oh," says Eduard eventually. "Oh god, Fin – I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"I suppose," he says. "It just _hurts_ and I can't help but wonder – well, why did he do it? Why did _they_ do it, even? He's not the type..."

"...Do you... know who he was with?" asks Eduard.

Finland bites his lip. "No." _You don't want to know_. "I – I heard him with... someone, but I didn't check on who it was. I just... left."

"Jesus," mutters Estonia. At the back of his mind, Finland wonders if anyone'd be confused if they came out here and saw him sitting in the middle of the corridor in his pajamas. Well, they can deal. He's hardly indecent. "Is Sealand okay?"

"He's confused. A little hurt. I haven't really told him why this is all happening; I probably should, but..." _It'd kill him._

"He'll figure it out eventually, you know," says Eduard. _Yes, but I'm sort of in denial about that._ "Listen, do you want me to come over tomo– well, whenever I can?"

Finland understands it easily. He remembers Russia; that Estonia is even trying to get out and see him is heartwarming in itself. "Yes. Thank you."

There's a pause. "Well. Night, Fin."

"Goodnight."

They hang up and Finland makes his way back into the hotel room. From there, he climbs into bed and mercifully falls fast asleep.

* * *

Estonia wakes up, remembering everything they went through yesterday. That he agreed to visit Finland. That... seemed a lot simpler at three in the morning.

He groans and pulls himself out of bed, going about taking a shower and brushing his teeth and getting dressed and all that.

"Hi," he says to Lithuania once he's gotten into the kitchen. "Is Russia awake yet?"

Lithuania shakes his head, busying himself pulling it plates and transferring food and the such. "No. And I hope it will remain that way for awhile, because I'm running a bit behind on making this breakfast."

"Well, here, let me help you," Estonia says, stepping forward. Lithuania does. Estonia sort of wonders if they should be getting Raivis to help with this, but he supposes Lithuania is letting the poor boy sleep. He _was_ kind of moody and distant yesterday.

Once they're done, Lithuania sighs. "Could you go wake Latvia up? I have to pack everything away again, and I don't think Russia would be to happy at him sleeping in..."

"Of course," says Estonia. Lithuania nods and he heads for the stares.

When he gets into Latvia's room, the boy is curled up in the fetal position on his bed. "Hey, Latvia," he says, gently shaking the boy's shoulder.

Raivis squirms and stirs a bit. "Sve..." he mumbles.

Estonia blinks. "Huh?"

Raivis stirs some more and finally opens his eyes. "Oh, hi Estonia," he says. "What time is it?"

"Seven-forty-two," Estonia says. "Ivan doesn't wake up until eight. Lithuania and I have done all the work, just – you should probably be up and out of bed before Ivan."

Latvia's mouth forms an 'o' as he pulls himself up. "You could have woken me, and – I would have helped."

"Well, we didn't want to," Estonia says. "Come on, get up, get dressed."

Latvia pulls himself out of bed, then looks embarrassed. "Um... I need to get changed."

_Oh_. "Um, yes. Sorry." Estonia steps outside and decides he can go back downstairs and wait for Latvia in the kitchen. They all know where they're meant to be in the mornings.

"Where is he?" Lithuania asks when he comes back down.

"Getting dressed. He'll be down in a minute."

Latvia is, and then they start their daily tradition of waiting around awkwardly and nervously for Russia to get up and start terrorizing them.

At eight-o-six, Russia does just that. "Good morning," he chirps. "I like the sunlight through my window today, da? It is so rare we have sunlight like that."

"Indeed, Russia," says Lithuania shakily. "Come on, we made you breakfast."

"You are so sweet, always making me things," Russia says, taking his seat at the kitchen table. "It is so good that we work together for things, da? Da."

None of the rest of them have any breakfast. No-one pays any heed to it.

Russia takes a bite of his food. "Lithuania? This tastes very much like your cooking."

Lithuania smiles weakly. "It _is_ my cooking, sir." Then he starts looking worried. "Is – is there something wrong with it? I–"

The three Baltics collectively hold their breath. They don't want Lithuania to be punished; not this early in the morning when they actually tried (well, Estonia and Lithuania more than Latvia, but that's not the point).

"Oh, Nyet." Russia smiles at him, but that only makes it worse. "It is just... did your brothers not help you with this, Lithuania? That seems slightly selfish of them, da? Why should you have to do all the work? I believe they may be ungrateful for your struggling, Lithuania. That is not a good thing."

Latvia is biting his lip to keep from whimpering, and Estonia reaches across and grabs his shaky hand. He at least helped somewhat. Latvia was asleep. The truth would get Latvia into a lot more trouble than him. God, their lives are so unfair.

"Oh – oh no, Mr. Russia Sir, they helped," says Lithuania with a reassuring smile. "It's just that all the recipes and _ways_ of cooking were mine, so it tastes like my cuisine."

There's a pause. Estonia grasps Latvia's hand tighter. And then, Russia's face relaxes. "Oh, very good," he says. "It is so nice that they let you take the glory when they work just as hard as you, da? So very, very nice."

"Indeed," says Lithuania. There's an uncomfortable silence as Russia begins eating again.

"M-Mr. Russia, sir?" stutters Latvia. "M-may we start p-preparing our own breakfast now?"

Estonia's heart thumps in anticipation of what might happen, but Russia doesn't miss a beat. "Oh, yes, of course. You have all worked so hard, too. You deserve to eat."

They nod gratefully and go about preparing their own breakfasts (Latvia has to have the other two fetch a few things out of the very top cupboards for him). And Estonia tries not to think of times when food was not something that had to be 'deserved'.

* * *

About noon, Estonia decides to do it.

"Guys?" he says, getting attention from the other two of them in the library. "I – I need to go out today. And I'd rather Russia not know about it. So, I'm going to need your help."

Latvia and Lithuania share a look. "Why?" asks Lithuania.

"Because you know how hard it is sneaking past Russia–"

"No, I mean, why do you need to go out?"

Estonia sighs. "It's Finland," he says. "Something bad happened, and I want to be a good friend. But you _know_ Russia... has problems with Finland, so will you help me?"

Lithuania still looks very confused. However, Latvia's gone white and is staring at the floor. Estonia frowns – _what's that about...? _Oh_, he must be worried about Sealand_.

"W-what's going on?" asks Latvia, not quite looking at him. "I mean – do you know?"

Internally, Estonia cringes a little. He doesn't want to tell Latvia. He knows Sweden ruled over Latvia for quite a long time, brought a lot of good to the land, and Latvia still has a lot of love and affection for the man (Estonia can't quite understand why he cares so much for a man who was, after all, still an invader, but he supposes he can't judge the perspective of a different nation). Latvia is... sensitive, and Estonia doesn't want to make him disappointed in someone he admires like that. There's a good chance Latvia will find out... well, whenever Sealand does given how close they are, but Estonia would rather put it off as long as possible.

So he decides to remove elements. "I – he's having a lot of difficulty with Sweden. He's had to leave the house actually; he's taken Sealand and they're staying at a hotel." Latvia looks a little shocked, and Estonia bites his lip. "But Sealand is okay... if that is what you're worried about."

Latvia shakes. "Oh. I suppose... that's good," he mutters, folding his body back in on itself.

There is one of those uncomfortable moments where Estonia doesn't really know what's going on.

Lithuania coughs. "So, um... would you like us to get you out of here _now_?"

Estonia shrugs. "As soon as possible would be nice."

Lithuania smiles, and starts leading him out. Latvia doesn't follow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Again and Again and Again**

_**Chapter 4**_

Finland hears a knock on the door. He opens it, and finds Estonia standing before him. "Well, that was faster than I expected you to be."

Estonia shrugs. "Lithuania and Latvia helped cover for me. I wanted to get here quickly."

Finland blinks. _Why would Latvia...?_ "Oh. Then... thank them for me, I guess."

_Actually don't, because I hate that piece of shit right now, but I can't say that because I don't want to make you crazy, and make Russia kill him. Much, anyway._

Estonia nods and steps inside, coming face-to-face with Sealand. Who just stands there. "Hi," he says.

"Hi," says Estonia.

Finland looks between his best friend and his son a little uncomfortably. No-one seems to know what to say. After a few seconds of awkwardness, Finland sighs. "Sealand, you mind going out for a few minutes, so I can talk to Estonia alone? You understand."

"Can I have money?"

Finland rolls his eyes and fishes his wallet from the bedside table. "There," he says, handing the boy a note. "And don't whine about the amount, okay?"

"I wasn't!" Sealand protests. "Anyway, see you later. And I will come back before he leaves, okay? Bye, Mr. Estonia."

"Bye," says Estonia as Sealand bounds out the door (Finland realises he doesn't actually know how much money he just gave away; oops), before turning back to Finland with a somber look. "So... you're pretty dedicated to this not telling him what's going on, then?"

Finland sighs. "Not yet." He looks away. "Don't try and judge me. I... don't want to hurt him."

Estonia cocks his head to the side. "I still don't understand how you could possibly plan on protecting him forever."

_Me neither. That goes for you too._ "I didn't say _forever_," he says. "Just long enough to make things... more settled."

"He probably won't feel any more settled if he _doesn't know what's going on_."

"Would you cut it out?" snaps Finland; he does not need to get _lectured_ about his actions by someone he's trying hard to protect. "This is really none of your business anyway; I know what I'm doing."

Estonia seems taken aback by the uncharacteristic burst of aggression. "...Right. Sorry," he says slowly. "I suppose I really don't understand."

Finland sighs. Estonia is trying to do the right thing, after all. "No, I'm sorry," he says. "You're just trying to help, after all. You might even be right. I just... I'm not sure what to do."

"So you were lying, just then?"

"Shut up," says Finland. Estonia chuckles. "To be honest... I think half the reason I'm not telling him is just because I can't bring myself to. He loves his father. He wouldn't want to find out... God, would he even believe me? Especially given it's his–"

Finland bites down on his lip hard when he realises what he was about to say. _Shit, shit, shit!_ He carefully examines Estonia's face for any hint he can figure what Finland almost revealed. He just looks confused.

"...What?"

"Nothing," Finland says quickly. Estonia still seems confused, but doesn't press the issue – much to Finland's relief. He sighs heavily, pulling at the cover on his bed. "Maybe I'm just being selfish," he muses. "Keeping secrets because it's just too hard to deal with... well, things that would happen if I told the truth."

"Maybe," says Estonia.

"But I have to have some kind of free pass with this, right?" he asks. "At least for a little while. This is... it hurts, and I'm really trying not to make people hurt as much as I do, so I get _some_ kind of pass, right?"

Estonia sighs. "I'm not sure it works like that."

Finland groans and buries his head in his hands. "Fuck," he curses. "And I'm pretty sure I just gave Sealand entirely too much money, too."

"Well, he's kind of spoiled anyway, so it can only do so much damage," Estonia jokes, lightening the mood. Finland glares at him.

* * *

Sealand returns and Estonia and Finland censor their conversation again. Estonia still doesn't really agree with his best friend on hiding all this, but he guesses it really isn't his call to make.

"I really have to get home soon; my brothers can only cover for me so long."

"They're not technically your brothers," Finland points out.

"...True," Estonia says. He's fallen into that habit – more with Latvia than Lithuania. Probably because Latvia is tiny and usually on the brink of death or other catastrophes. "Anyway, bye."

"Bye," says Finland.

He doesn't hear anything from Sealand, which is strange, but he dismisses it. Until he reaches the hotel elevator, waits for it to show up, turns around and sees the boy waiting behind him.

"Argh!" he cries out, more than a little embarrassingly. Sealand smirks. "Did – did you follow me out?"

Sealand shrugs. "Yeah, pretty much."

"...Why?"

Sealand hesitates. "I wanted you do say hi to Latvia for me?"

"...You could have said that in the room," Estonia points out. "Was that really it?"

"No, I want you to tell me what's going on."

Estonia blink. _Shit. Fin's going to kill me..._ "You, uh, think I can?"

"You probably know more than me, because Mama's not trying to protect you, and I don't want to hurt him more by badgering him about what's going on, but I really should know. So I was just going to annoy you until you tell me... given how he sent me off to talk to you; I'm assuming he actually told you something. So, uh, yeah."

Estonia winces. He _does_ sort of agree Sealand should know why his family is like this right now, but Finland would kill him and it's not really his place to say, anyway.

Would Sealand even believe him?

He hesitates. "Sealand, I..."

"Did he tell you or not?"

"Well, yes, but I'm not sure I should tell you. You might not even believe me; I don't know."

"Doesn't matter if I believe you or not; just give an explanation. I promise not to punch you in the face if it's something really bad," Sealand says. "I mean... Mama already told me Papa did something that... hurt him, but I just need to know what's really going on, okay?"

Estonia sighs. Okay, screw it, he gives in. "Promise you won't tell Tino? I'm as scared of his sniper rifles as you are."

"Promise."

"Okay," Estonia says. "I... don't know how to say this, but... what your Mama told me, was that Berwald cheated. He got home early and overheard Berwald... erm, with someone else, and that's why he had to leave."

Estonia finishes his declaration with a grimace and a bite of his lip, and Sealand's jaw hangs open. "Papa... Papa wouldn't do that..."

"Said you wouldn't believe me."

Sealand barely even seems to hear him, though; he seems shell-shocked by the news. "Huh? Oh, uh, sorry... Didn't mean to call you a liar or anything... Just... what? How? Why would he do that?" his voice is starting to crack up, and Estonia's heart rate shoots up in panic (if he'd made the kid cry, Finland will know he's said something, and Estonia's not that good with kids crying generally, despite the fact he lives with _Latvia_). "I mean... Mama and Papa, they've always been really happy and in love, right? And I don't think it could be a _sex_ thing, because I have accidentally overheard stuff I really, really, _really_ did not need to overhear a few times when I got home earlier than I was meant to, believe me."

"Um, please don't cry; Finland will kill me if he figures out I told you..."

"I'm not crying," says Sealand, though he _almost_ is. "Just... how could he...?"

"I know, it's hard to believe your father–"

"Not just him, though; I mean – who'd do that anyway, if they knew about Mama and knew about me... Did Mama tell you who it was? What horrible, evil, selfish monster would..."

"He only overheard, apparently; he didn't see anything. He doesn't know," says Estonia.

"Oh." Sealand sniffles back the last threats of tears, and places some form of his normal face on. "Well, uh... thanks for telling me, I guess. And do say hi to Latvia for me too, because he only gets out..."

Estonia nods. "Of course," he says, squeezing Sealand's shoulder. "And – be careful, alright?"

"Okay," says Sealand. "I know how to protect myself."

Estonia smiles and steps into the elevator (it's open there for a lot longer than necessary; thank god this isn't a very busy hotel). Maybe he should regret what he just did. Maybe not.

* * *

Latvia feels sick. He's been pacing on the spot ever since Estonia went out to visit Finland, and that was a couple of hours ago. His nerves are driving him crazy (and to be honest, he may have drunk a little more than would be strictly helpful).

_Calm down,_ he assures himself, digging his nails into his palm. _Maybe Estonia will understand. Or at least give you a chance to explain. Or maybe Finland won't tell him at all, who knows_

Of course, there's no reason Finland wouldn't because he hates Latvia, and rightfully so. Latvia's not sure if he could make Estonia understand – if he _wants_ Estonia to understand, or even what this understanding would be. That's he's so pathetic he'd trail after a married man, his best friends father, just to feel like he used to, once upon a time?

He wipes away tears with the back of his hand. Always about to cry, so stupid and weak and _fragile_...

He's startled out of his reverie by the door slamming and the sound of footsteps. Estonia comes into the room. "Oh, Estonia, you're back," he says, trying to sound nonchalant and not on the edge of a complete psychological breakdown (more than he usually sounds, anyway). "So, um... how is he?"

"Oh, hey. Sealand says hi." Latvia eyes him warily – he still doesn't know if that's 'Sealand says hi sarcastically and bitterly because he hates you now for being the whore who tore his family apart', or 'Sealand says hi genuinely because he is naive and innocent and think you actually deserve his friendship, for one reason or another.'

"Oh, I – I guess that's good. I mean..." Latvia trails off. Alright, time to bite the bullet. "...What did Finland tell you?"

Estonia sighs. "He feels hurt; he knows he shouldn't be keeping so many secrets," he says. Latvia frowns in confusion – Finland's keeping secrets? "I... you know, I should probably tell you what's going on if you're asking questions. I mean, I told Sealand, so it'd be a bit hypocritical to keep hiding things. Plus – I know Sweden had you occupied for a long time and you cared about him a lot, but it's been centuries and he was an _occupier_, so you shouldn't be too devastated if I tell you he did something less than great, right?"

The way Latvia's clung to his history with Sweden is insane, and Estonia's right. Nonetheless, he's confused by the fact Estonia actually doesn't seem to have a clue he has anything to do with this. "Of course. But what did he do?"

"He cheated." _Well, yes_. "Finland found out, and... took Sealand and they're staying in a hotel. Also, he hasn't told Sealand what's going on, and I don't think he'd be too happy if he knew I'd told you, so don't mention it to him."

Latvia's not sure whether to cry or laugh. But first he has to ask a question because he's confused. "So, um... did Finland say who Sweden cheated with?"

"He doesn't know," says Estonia. "He only overheard; he didn't see anything."

"Oh." That's a lie. Finland saw him perfectly well, and was furious about it – why would Finland cover for him? Some kind of blackmail; revenge?

Estonia sighs. "Anyway, I'm sure I'm far behind on my chores by now. Bye Latvia."

"Bye," he answers, and as soon as Estonia's gone he sinks down onto a chair, feeling even sicker. No-one _knows_. He deserves them to know, right? Deserves to lose his best friend, his pseudo-brothers' respect, be branded as the whore he is – doesn't he? So why is Finland covering for him? Why doesn't anyone know? And why does this make him feel _worse_; why isn't he relieved or grateful?

The sick feeling turns into a throbbing pain in his head, and Latvia can't stand all this. He needs something to stop feeling this way, this hopeless and hurt and – and the alcohol before only made him worse. He knows what could make him feel better... but no, he _can't_, right? After what he did to the family? And how much leeway he's been given? How can he even think...

But on the other hand, there's nothing really stopping him anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: **OMG YEAH GUYZ, REMEMBER THIS? Srsly, sorry for my semi-abandonment. Of note, some elements of this chapter could possibly constitute some form of dub-con, although kind of on both sides? Idk. Better safe than sorry.

* * *

_**Chapter 5**_

There's a knock on the door. Sweden's not entirely sure the wisdom of going to answer it, but who knows. It might be Finland, so he can try and explain and _fix_ this. He basically ignores the million other possibilities. When he actually does answer, however, it's pretty much the exact opposite of that.

"...L'tvia?"

Sweden's pulse starts to race a bit as dread settles in his stomach. _God, what does he want...?_ He soon gets annoyed with himself for that, though. It's not like Latvia did everything and he's some innocent victim. The boy seems embarrassed, really, avoiding his eyes shyly.

"Sweden," he says softly, and just the smallest bit slurred. "Sorry."

"Wh't's wrong?" he asks. "Why are ya here?"

Latvia sighs, but doesn't answer the question. "Can I... comeiiin?"

Sweden doesn't want to. He knows what he's done with this boy in the past, and he has to keep him out of the house to stop. Resist temptation. Otherwise he'll never get Finland to forgive him.

But he can hardly let a small, upset, most likely kind of drunk boy go out on his own at night. "...Fine," he says, stepping out of the way to let Latvia in.

Latvia smiles gratefully and comes down the hallway. He heads straight for the couch in the living room, curling up on it and laying down. He looks... injured. Hurt. _Fuck_.

"Y' okay?" Latvia doesn't answer, and Sweden sits down next to him. "C'n I get you... tea or coffee or anything?"

"Tea would be nice," Latvia whispers, and Sweden runs off to the kitchen to do that.

He's pretty sure Latvia has come here to... Well. This is way it starts. Latvia comes to their house, shaking and fragile, desperately in need of comfort. Sweden just wants him to get better, to help him. It went from there, and now they're in this...

He's not stupid, he knows why Raivis does it anyway. He's broken. He's been hurt for the last century or so, and he wants things to get better. What he remembers being better was... when Sweden took care of him. Sweden doesn't think he was perfect, far from it (especially towards the end) but he was better than Russia. Latvia came to him to get that feeling back.

Sweden supposes he felt too guilty to say no. He should have been able to defeat Russia, back in that war a few centuries ago. He should have done something after they got free, but Russia came for them again. He even hung Finland out to dry then; he protected himself, and Sweden shouldn't have made his wife do that. Not to mention someone as weak as Latvia.

It's not all his fault. He's not strong enough to take someone like Russia on about this; he can't actually help the boy get free. He thought all he could do was make the boy maybe feel better for half and hour. Then Finland...

He brings the tea to Latvia, who has to sit up to take it. "Thank you."

"Yer welcome." There's an awkward silence as Latvia takes a sip, and Sweden wonders where exactly all this is going.

"I'm really sorry," Latvia says.

"'S not y' fault."

"Yes it is," Latvia moans. "I started this."

"I coulda said no."

"I know, it's just..." Latvia's voice trembles again, as does his body. "You and he were so _happy_..."

"Uh." Sweden's not sure what's appropriate here, but places a hand on the boy's shoulder to try and calm him down. "It's alright... yer drunk, I think..."

Latvia snorts. "You make it sound like that's strange for me."

"Raivis, 's gonna be okay."

Latvia puts his tea down and leans back against the couch. "Estonia went to see Finland today," he says.

Sweden gives a look. _Wait, did he...?_

"And Finland told him, what happened, why he left, but... he didn't mention me. He lied. Said he didn't _know_ who you were... Why would he do that?"

Sweden hesitates. "...Dunno. Russia?"

"I don't deserve it," Latvia says. "I did this to him... it's horrible. He hates me, doesn't he? You heard him, he called me a... why would he protect me?"

"Really hatin' Russia?"

Latvia smiles. "Perhaps," he says. "I'm still really sorry."

"Yer just..."

"A complete psychological trainwreck? I know." Slowly, he stands up again, and walks over to the mantelpiece. "This is his flower," he says, taking it out of the vase. "I know. He put a lot of them up when he lived with us..."

Sweden watches the boy start to shake and slowly approaches him from behind. "Latvia..."

"Did you bring him flowers? Or did he give them to you?" Latvia runs his fingers up and down the stem, quickly losing what composure he has. "Flowers, lord, it's been a long time since flowers. It's always so cold and to go outside and pick..."

"Please jus' calm down." Sweden grabs his shoulder. The boy sounds practically insane now, not that it's so unusual; Latvia's been dancing on the edge of psychosis for awhile now. He never thought that was contagious. He wonders if anyone, like Ukraine or that, felt this sort of thing about Russia before... Perhaps he's made it worse, if he's made Latvia feel like he ruined things. Perhaps if he turned the boy away now, it would shatter him further. Maybe Sweden's just overreacting. There's no way of knowing.

"I'm sorry!" Latvia turns around and suddenly jumps into his arms, scaring the daylights out of Sweden. "I ruined it, I ruined it..."

"Shh, shh, _calm down_..." Sweden assures him, patting him on the back. "'S okay, it's gonna be _okay_."

Latvia eventually goes quiet with a small sob, before pulling back to look up at him. "S-sorry."

He's stuttering again, and jesus, he seems so _small_. Not for the first time, Sweden feels kind of sick. "Don' mind," he says. "You feelin' okay now?"

Latvia shakes his head. "S-sorry."

Sweden sighs. "Go finish y'tea," he says. "It'll be alright."

"Me or the tea?" Sweden tries to move away, and Latvia grabs his wrist. "Sweden."

"...What?"

Suddenly Latvia starts shuddering again, and Sweden grabs hold of him to try and calm him again. "I-I shouldn't have come here; it's wrong, _I'm wrong_–"

"Y' didn't do 'nythin'–"

"You _know_ why I'm here Sweden!" Latvia steps back to scream at him, making him flinch. "I – I came here because, because I felt it, I felt, and I drunk too much and panicked too much and what I panicked about didn't come true, but that made it _worse_, so I came to you to make it... God, I really am a whore."

"Latvia–" _Don't blame yourself. This isn't the right way to this. For the love of god, leave me alone_. Sweden could say any number of these, but soon Latvia has launched himself up and is tackling him with a kiss, and Sweden finds himself kissing the boy back without really trying to.

"Wait, L'tvia–"

"Please, please," Raivis whispers, about to choke-up again. Tiny hands start to pull at Sweden's clothing anxiously, and he bites his lip. "Please, Sweden; I know what I did to you but... please just make me feel better."

Deep-down, Sweden's always been a bit of a pushover.

* * *

Afterwards, Latvia goes back to shaking.

"Ya okay?"

"Mm-hmm," Latvia says. "Sorry."

"Please stop apologizin' t' me," _I already feel enough like I'm taking advantage of you._

Latvia doesn't pay attention, hurriedly pulling his clothes back on. "I-I really have to get back; it'll be suspicious and I'll get in..."

"'S cold. I should drive ya." He gets up to put his clothes on as well, and notes that Latvia's avoiding his eyes. Not that unusual. _We're all fucked._

"Just remember to drop me off a little away, so nobody sees you," Latvia says. "Sorry."

"Stop it. I jus'..."

"You want to help me. I know." Latvia looks back over his shoulder at him. "I'm using you, y-you know."

_Not sure that's the impression I'm getting._

"Get yer coat."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Finland's got terrible timing.

It's seven in the morning and the doorbell starts ringing; Sweden answers it and finds his wife/husband/whoever waiting there.

There are a lot of things he feels the need to say. A million different apologies, excuses, explanations – but Fin would never listen to any of them and Sweden's always been too embarrassed to explain what he's thinking anyway. So he just stands there.

"I haven't come to make up," Finland says, and _Oh_. "I'm not – I'm just here because I didn't pack very much, before I left." There's a pause, and Sweden just blinks at him. "Can I come in?"

_Oh, right_. Sweden nods immediately, stepping aside so Finland can get in. "D'ya want... coffee or anythin'?" He hates his voice sometimes, leaving all the vowels out like he can't even be bothered. He doesn't want Finland to think that. _Don't think I'm a bad person. Don't think I don't care about you._

"I'm fine," says Finland, wandering through the lounge room to the stairs. Sweden spots something. Latvia's cup of tea is still there from last night, because when people suddenly have nervous breakdowns on you they don't always finish their drinks. Finland's going to notice. He's going to notice, and he's going to _know;_ and Sweden will never get Finland back if he can't prove he won't do it again. Which he obviously just did. _It's not fair_.

But Finland doesn't notice – or if he does, he doesn't say anything. He heads for the stairs. "You know, you don't have to follow me," he says, and it's then Sweden realises he's been doing so. "I do live here. I know where my things are."

Sweden blushes, which is kind of stupid, when you think about it. "S'ry," he mumbles, more incomprehensible than usual. Finland just sighs.

"Nevermind. I'll be in our – in your room."

Sweden thinks – surely Finland will notice, even if Sweden went about doing his usual afterwards; changing the sheets and all that (why Finland wasn't suspicious of him earlier, he has no idea). It still smells like sex in that room. He's going to be sick. But Finland didn't notice before and maybe Sweden's just paranoid (or self-destructive), so he swallows his nausea and waits for Finland to come back down.

After about two minutes, he realises that's actually going to take awhile.

He sighs and realises he should actually move that cup. It's been sitting their all night, half-drunk tea congealing. He's usually more hygenic than that.

He moves to the kitchen and pours the tea down the sink before rinsing it out, and moves it to the side. He'll put it in the dishwasher tonight to clean it more thoroughly, even if really it's not worth it. Then he looks, and realises it's been a few days since he's remembered the dishwasher.

He sighs and is about to start doing just that (because he'll just forget again if he leaves it until later), when he hears something go _thump!_ upstairs and Finland shout "Perkele!"

He has to smile. "Fin? Y'alright up there?"

"I'm fine!" he says.

For a second, it's like things are normal again. Sweden's dealing with the dishes and other domestic things while Fin's off doing _something_ and getting in trouble for it. All they need now is for Sealand to come barraging through the doors, desperate to show off his newest attempt and getting recognised, and then Fin would come down to see it and forget about whatever he was doing, and leave some kind of catastrophe waiting to happen because secretly America wrote their lives as one of his sitcoms, and there may be an explosion–

"D'ya want me t'help?"

There's a pause. Suddenly reality hits him.

Of _course_ Finland doesn't want his help. That's the whole reason he's here. Sweden let down Finland, betrayed him and now Fin wants nothing to do with him. Sea's in a hotel somewhere or other; he's not gonna come in to complete that perfect America's-sitcom scene, and Sweden has _no right_ to imagine that after what he did–

"...No thank you."

Finland sounds sweet and polite as ever. Sweden sighs, and goes to the dishwasher.

He's half-way through stacking it when Finland comes back down, bag in hand. "You're doing the dishes now?" he says. "It's three PM."

Sweden stands up, suddenly feeling ashamed of himself. Finland'll think the fact Sweden was doing something so menial while he was upstairs means he didn't really care about Finland did – or what he saw. "Sorry," he mutters. "Jus' – forgott'n it fer a few days 'n I thought–"

He cuts himself off when he realises Finland is actually smiling a little. He's not angry. He always says how cute he finds Sweden's dedication to their home, especially when it's not really necessary.

Sweden forces himself to turn away. _Don't get your hopes up_.

As soon as he notices, Finland cuts it out anyway. "So, uh – uh, that's all," Finland seems uncomfortable now. "I should be alright for awhile."

"'Ow long?"

The subtext is much too obvious. _When can I see you again?_ Fin sighs. "I don't know," he says. "There's a world meeting in a few days; I'll talk to you about it then."

"...'Kay."

Finland is now looking around uncomfortably. "Well, if that's all, I should probably–"

"Fin?"

"Hmm?"

Sweden sighs. "I – Didn' mean t'–"

"Sve, we've been through this before; I don't want to hear it."

"Jus' listen," and for a moment Finland does. "'S not – Latvia has a lot'a probl'ms. Was tryin' t' help, honestly–"

Finland raises a finger to shush him and gives him a steely look. "Sweden," he says. "I've no doubt that – that what happened is a lot more complicated than what I'm interpreting it as. I know you, and either you've changed a lot when I wasn't looking, or – or you had _some_ kind of reason for what you did, no matter how weak." He sighs sadly. "But I'm not ready for that, alright? I'm _angry_. You hurt me, Sve. You hurt _me_. Right now it feels like – I can barely keep from dying because that's how it feels, and you want me to forgive you already?" Finland glares and Sweden can't say anything. Fin shakes his head. "No. Not now. I'm sorry Sve, but whatever your reasons you brought this on yourself – I'll deal with it my way, and you have no right to tell me otherwise."

"I didn't mean–"

"Shush, I don't want to fight right now," Finland says. Sweden obeys, like he usually does. "I'll – I'll see you soon, then. Maybe I'll have my battling spirit back."

"...See ya," he says, and he turns back to the dishwasher.

Fin's footsteps head to the door, and Sweden closes his eyes. _This isn't forever. You'll see him in a few days._ Fin pauses. "Sve – what you said just there."

"Huh?"

They both turn around to face each other again. "You'd hurt me to save him?" Fin asks.

"..." Sweden's speechless.

"That isn't going to help prove you care for _me_, you know." Finland chuckles softly to himself, and opens the door. "Goodbye, Sweden."

There are all kinds of things he could say. About responsibility and how he let them down before and how it seemed like Latvia had no-one he could turn to, and _someone_ had to try and make him better, even if the method was the stupidest way imaginable, but before he can say any of that Finland has stepped out the door and gone.

He's not going to cry over it. What would be the point? Does he even have that right?

He's about to grin and bear it and go right back to stacking the dishwasher when he hears a barking and Hanatamago comes barreling into the room, perfectly oblivious to the atmosphere. Sweden has to laugh. "Hey you," he says, reaching to scratch behind the dog's ears.

Hanatamago just barks louder. She's always been Fin's dog more than his, but Fin's not here right now so she's stuck with him. She's been confused and moping for a few days, and Sweden's kind of felt guilty about her too. He feels guilty about everything.

He checks the clock. "Lemme guess, d'nnertime?" Hanatamago barks in affirmation, and Sweden goes off to the fridge to get out a can of food for her (he'll finish the dishwasher after). She's happy to gulp down what he gives her.

"Well, least tha' worked out."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Sweden's just going to acknowledge it: the entire universe hates him. Just three hours after Fin arrived and broke his mind, this person shows up at his doorstep:

"Hey, Sve! D'ya mind letting me in?"

"...Go 'way."

He tries to just slam the door, but Denmark gets a foot in before he can. "Aww, come on man! I haven't even _done_ anything yet!"

"...So yer goin' to do somethin'?"

Denmark narrows his eyes. "I can't win with you, huh?"

Sweden shrugs.

Denmark sighs. "You're such a dick. C'mon, just let me in for a beer or something–"

"'S 10 in the mornin'–"

"Okay, maybe not, but still. You have to wait until I actually do something stupid to kick me out, y'know?"

A pause.

"...Why're y'even here?"

"Finally!" Denmark bounds through the door and past him, observing Sweden's kitchen like it's recently conquered land (...probably shouldn't go there). "Man, you're being a moody bitch today, huh?"

Sweden scowls (more than normal). "Why did I let ya in ag'n?"

"Hey, you're not very nice," Denmark mock-pouts at him, and drapes himself over Sweden's couch. Sweden rolls his eyes.

"Did Norge smash a vase on yer head again?"

Denmark's mock-pout turns into an actual pout. "Shut up."

Sweden sighs and buries his head in his hand (making his glasses smush against his face uncomfortably, but nevermind). He has enough to worry about, without Denmark being... _Denmark_.

"Hey, where's Fin?"

Sweden immediately raises his head, hairs on the back of his neck bristling. "Wh't?"

Denmark shrugs casually. "Where's Fin?"

Sweden is frothing with a muted and mostly unjustified rage (as he's pretty certain Denmark's not psychic), and by the time he gets a handle on that Denmark's escaped from his sight.

"Wh're are you–"

"OI, FIN! YOU AROUND?"

Sweden wants to just ignore Denmark as best as possible (and not think about Fin, because that is definitely going to work), but then Denmark starts going up the stairs and his stomach clenches.

_No._

"Yoo-hoo, guy who actually likes me, come out!" Sweden follows him up the stairs, gritting his teeth. Denmark can't know. He doesn't really think of how Denmark'd even find out, if Fin didn't notice and he has a lot more reason to be suspicious, but he can't let someone like Denmark think he's a–

Denmark stills when he gets to the bedroom. _Fuck_.

But Denmark just laughs.

Sweden's blushing, Sweden's angry, Sweden's scared and Denmark just laughs. God only knows what's going on now, and he should probably be grateful because – if Denmark's laughing, and not in a mocking way (Sweden can read him pretty well, after all this time), then Denmark hasn't found a reason to be mad. Which probably means he doesn't know.

Still.

"Jesus, Sve. Ew. Heard of air-freshener?" But Denmark is still laughing, and Sweden doesn't know what's going on. "I mean, it's great you and Fin have an active and healthy love life and all that jazz – but I did not need to get, uh, the distinctive _aroma_, y'know?"

...Ah.

Denmark thinks it's from Fin. Makes sense. He has no reason to think there's anything wrong with Sweden and his "wif'"; he sure as hell couldn't figure anything out about...

_So how the hell do I explain then?_

Denmark sniffs and turns away from the room. "So where is he then, anyway?"

"Out. Buyin' groceries."

_...Well that's one way._

Denmark nods. "Right. Why didn't ya just say that?"

Sweden doesn't know what to say.

Denmark doesn't seem to think about it for that long, which helps, he guesses. "Eh then... Well if you're being all grouchy and silent and shit, I guess I'll go. Seriously, you're way nicer with him around, you know that?"

"_Bye, Denmark_," he says, and Denmark rolls his eyes before going back downstairs and slamming the door. Sweden doesn't bother following. He sighs.

Really of all the people, it seems stupid to worry about _Denmark_ judging him. Judging's not what Denmark does. He's pretty carefree about morals, both his and others'; there are reasons he's best friends with the Netherlands, y'know.

Still, Denmark... knows him, he guesses. They don't get on that well, but they know a lot about each other... Denmark would hate it if he found out what's happened, he knows. Denmark thinks Sweden's the good guy, if too stoic and such; Denmark doesn't judge much but he _does_ judge, and he would there because what's happened is completely unlike what he knows about Sweden. And Denmark actually cares about what he knows about Sweden. Something like that would make him panic, just like Fin did; well not just like Fin did but common in one way – someone you thought would never do anything like that... would.

He really screwed up this time.

He was trying to help. He still is. He knows he's not doing the 'right thing', exactly, but all things concerned he doesn't know what would have been a _better_ thing, and he doesn't know what anyone else would have decided in his situation.

He couldn't just abandon the boy.

* * *

Norway is probably still pissed at him. The problem when Norway's pissed at him is, for hours on end, Denmark has nothing to _do_. He tried crashing the Netherlands' place, but he wasn't there so that plan didn't work. Sweden went all... Sweden at him. He eventually settles on hanging around some shops somewhere, wasting time by eying whatever attractive females walk past (which gets him hit with a handbag once, but hey, he lives with Norway.)

Anyway, partway through his loitering, he runs into a familiar face.

"Hey, Fin!"

He gets a jump and a surprised look from the other man. He quickly crawls out from his place sitting in between the bars outside the supermarket. (_Because you clearly outgrew being a five-year-old on playing equipment,_ says his Mental Norway. He frowns. _Shut up, Mental Norway._)

"Denmark!" Finland starts smiling as Den walks up to him. "Sorry; just, you made me jump a little there!"

Denmark chuckles. "Sorry man, it ain't my intention," he says. "Gotta say, that was one long trip for groceries."

"...Huh?"

"I went to see Sve like, 2 hours ago and you were already gone – you don't even seem to have bought that much! Though I suggest getting some air freshener, FYI."

"...Huh?" says Fin.

A pause. "Dude, you okay?" Denmark asks at the look on his face. "You don't look so great, really."

"What? Oh, I'm fine." Fin smiles again, as natural as ever. "Sorry, I've been a little stressed lately... I've had a lot of work."

"Oh, right. Nation stuff." Fin gives him a look and Mental Norway pops up again: _great, now you're going to get yourself institutionalised._ No-one seems to have heard him though, so again – shut up, Mental Norway.

"Anyway – air-freshener?"

"Oh, uh," _Well this is going to be awkward._ "Just... when I went to your house, the smell in your room – yeah, uh, _something_ had happened there, and recently, haha." His chuckle after this sentence kind of fades into non-existence. Fin doesn't react. "Uh, that wasn't really funny, was it? Yeah, gross, nosy, sorry dude."

No reaction from Fin. Like nada. Doesn't even blink.

"Uh, Finland? Yoo-hoo? You still there?"

"...Sorry." Fin blinks again, and smiles – but it's really shaky this time. "Anyway, uh, I should really be getting home – you're right, I've been out awhile... Sweden's probably worrying about me."

He almost turns into Sweden with the mumbling at the end. "Uh... Okay," says Denmark, and things have gotten really awkward. "Then, see ya Fin... something like that!"

"See you!" Fin is grinning again as he wanders off, but Denmark's confused. Something must be wrong.

He should probably ask, but–

(_Why do you feel the need to pry?_ asks Mental Norway. _For god's sakes. Are you just incapable of accepting aspects of people's lives that don't revolve around you?_)

–It's not really any of his business. Besides. Fin and Sve are both way better at dealing with this kind of shit than he's ever been.

* * *

_Shit shit shit shit shit._

Okay, so they've lied to Denmark. He doesn't know about the big separation, and knowing their luck it will come out in some big awkward way that will make at least one person cry.

Now the important bit:

Denmark said 'something' happened. With those quotation marks. And he said it happened recently, and – and Fin hasn't even been there recently.

So.

How did he not notice that when he was there? When he thinks about it, there was a weird smell. But he ignored it, wanting to just get his stuff and go.

Oh god.

Oh god _no._

He ducks into a liquor store on his way home.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Vodka. It smells like vodka. Sealand knows he's not really meant to know what that smells like, but he is secretly bout thirty or so, so it makes sense.

"Um, hello? Are you okay in there?" He steps inside to see Finland curled up on his bed, bottle in hand. "Um, Mama?"

"Hmm? Oh, hello Peter," says Finland vaguely. "Don't – don't call me that. Do I need to remind you of my history as a sniper?"

"You kinda just did." Peter settles onto his own bed, watching as Finland takes another gulp of vodka. "...What's wrong?"

Finland laughs, loud and hysterically as if it was the funniest thing anyone ever said. "Or Sealand, you poor poor thing," he says, vaguely away tears (of laughter?). "You haven't guessed already? _I can't tell you_."

Well, Peter does know what's happened (and it makes him sick, it makes him cry, it makes him want to scream), but he can't tell Finland that either. "Well, I meant more _right now_," he says as Finland runs his fingers down the neck of the bottle. "This... isn't just your usual fondness for vodka that you try and hide from me; something happened."

"Something always happens. What on Earth makes you think I'd tell _you_?"

Sealand flinches at Finland snapping. "What was that for?" he asks.

Finland looks confused. "I – oh, I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean that."

"...Right." Finland slurps more vodka to shake off his confusion, and Sealand cringes.

"M – Dad," he says, trying to be diplomatic. "W-why don't you stop that? I think... I think you've had enough to drink."

Silence. Finland's hazy eyes focus on him, and Sealand freezes.

"T-that's none of your business! You ungrateful brat! You _can't_ tell me what to do, after everything – I am trying so hard for you and you have no idea, you have no idea about anything; you have nothing to do with anything, it wasn't even my idea to take you in it was his because he has such wonderful fucking ideas, so I shouldn't have to care about you when I didn't do anything wrong and why should I care about you at all, and why don't you just _go_, Peter?"

Peter's stunned by the rant. He knows he shouldn't take it personally, that Finland is really drunk and really upset so Peter can't blame him, and yet he does. He's just a kid, after all. No matter what's going on, aren't they meant to be _trying_ to act in his best interests? That's why Finland wants to lie to him, he guesses, but it all seems selfish and like Finland said – why should he care? Sealand wipes away tears with the back of his hand, while Finland just presses his head to his knees.

"...I'm sorry," Peter whispers, though he doesn't have anything to apologise for, does he? "I – I have to go. I'll be back... I'll be back."

"Wait, Peter!" Finland leaps up and Sealand starts scurrying for the door. "I didn't mean all that, I just – please!"

The door slams.

* * *

"What _is_ it?" England is not being particularly courteous to whoever's knocking at his door, but nevermind. He had _almost_ cracked the solution for that particular spell, and it's probably just the frog showing up to harass him some more. Common courtesy does _not_ apply to that bastard.

...As it turns out, it could be even worse.

"Sealand? What on Earth do _you_ want?"

"Hey, Jerk England." The boy is being sullen, crossing his arms and pouting. England rolls his eyes. "I need somewhere to stay."

England's taken aback. "What on – hey, what about Sweden and Finland? Didn't the adopt you? Don't – don't infringe on my hospitality, boy! Didn't they teach you that?"

He expects an argument. But Peter flinches, and says nothing. England suddenly realises how out of character it is for him to show up all quiet and miserable like this.

"Hey – what's wrong? You're acting strange..." He's suddenly struck with a horrible thought. "Oh god, was it Russia? Did you approach Finland's border and he–"

"What? No!" Peter looks confused by his statement England feels a little embarrassed. "It – it's nothing to do with Russia. I just..." he sighs. "They're... acting weird. I needed somewhere to stay for the night."

"Acting weird? What do you mean?" _What's happened to you?_

Peter shakes his head. "Long, long story Jerk England," he says. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." England opens the door for his little brother. "You didn't bring anything. Clothes, or a toothbrush, or..."

"Sorry," says Sealand. "I was in a bit of a rush."

"Oh, it's – it's fine. I have plenty of spare things. I have plenty of your spare things."

Peter grins. "Thanks, England."

"You're welcome. And it's nice to see you show some gratitude for once."

* * *

Finland wakes up with... not the worst hangover he's ever had, but certainly the one accompanied by the most emotional distress. _Sealand_, he thinks vaguely before he really gets the chance to remember why. _Oh – what did I say last night?_

He feels sick. That must be the hangover, but – oh god. He told Sealand he didn't care. That was simply _not true_; of course he cares, Peter is his son after all and it matters not one whit that it was Sweden's idea, or that Finland was slightly reluctant at first, because after all hasn't he done everything he can to help the boy? That's how they wound up in this situation, after all. Finland trying to protect him from... knowing.

He supposes he was angry, and lashed out because... he was tired of having to protect the boy. Even _after_ he found out, Sweden didn't think it was worth it taking a break from – and he wasn't even honest about it when Finland came over, the bastard.

Still, it wasn't fair to take that out on Peter. He's just a boy, who has no idea what's going on between his fathers. Finland can't push him away. He pulls himself up off the bed, determined to get up, take a shower, and – oh god, where _is_ Sealand?

* * *

Thankfully, the boy was kind enough to leave a message with the receptionist at the hotel. Why he'd go to England, who he has never exactly gotten along with even if they are brothers, is a little beyond him but that's not really the point.

The door swings open. "Finland." England can probably see the bags under his eyes, the evidence of drunkenness on his face, but Finland smiles warmly to distract him anyway. "Is Sealand here?"

On cue, Peter approaches behind England. "Oh. Hey, mama," he says.

"What did I say about calling me that?"

England frowns. "Are you alright?" he whispers to Peter, who nods.

Finland hasn't really seen him like this – concerned, and cautious. At least not towards Peter. He feels guilty – did Sealand tell him, what Finland said to him?

"I – I really don't think you should have run off like that, you know." His voice goes up on the last syllable, and Sealand raises an eyebrow. "But – but I can't blame you really. After how I acted... um. Well. Please forgive me?"

A pause. Peter stares at him for a moment, and it feels like their roles have been reversed – Finland is the naughty child, pleading for mercy from his father. "It's fine," says Peter. "I mean... I understand."

_...Wait, what do you understand?_ He wonders, but he decides not to ask. It would look bad in front of England. "Well, I suppose that's settled then. Thank you, England, for looking after him. I was so worried!"

"Indeed." England does not seem comforted, and Finland gulps. _This can't end well._ "Would you like to step inside? I'll make you some tea. Peter, you – go collect your things."

"I didn't bring any things."

"...Right. Then go collect some of your things that are still in my house; god knows they clutter up the place."

Sealand nods and wanders off somewhere. England starts to lead Finland to his kitchen. Finland knows many people would dread this enough on it's own, as England's kitchen must be a place of horror and despair – but really, Finland thinks England's terrible cooking is overstated. He makes black pudding, after all, which is like blood pancakes and hence quite nice. Still, he's dreading entering on this particular occasion.

England puts on the kettle and takes advantage of the sound to talk. "Look. Sealand hasn't told me exactly what happened, that make him run away." Finland's taken aback. "But he said it was something to do with you, and Sweden. He said you were acting... 'weird'." England sighs. "Look, don't get me wrong, he is a little brat. But he's my brother. I gave him to you thinking you could after him, and if not – well. I won't stop him going with you today, but do be warned – if this happens again, I am willing to take measures to make sure he is alright. Here's your tea."

Finland almost spills it all when England shoves the tea into his hands. "...I can take care of him." And really, it's not his fault. He was distraught by what he found out and reacted the first way he thought of. Given what he knows about England, he would have done the same thing, the hypocrite. What he said was horrible, but he wasn't thinking straight. Overall, he didn't do anything _that_ wrong.

...He's been saying things like that a lot lately.

"Dad? England?" Sealand appears at the doorway with a plastic bag over his shoulder, full of things he got from... somewhere or other. "I'm ready to go."

"Hold on a second honey; I have to finish my tea." Finland tries to gulp it down so they can get out, which leads to some dribbling down his chin. _Hmph_. He wipes it away.

Soon he's done. "Well, alright then. You ready Peter?"

"Yeah. That's what I just said."

"Alright then. Well goodbye England, and thank you for the tea!"

"You're welcome," he says. Finland smiles, a little too wide, and takes his son's hand as they walk out the door.


End file.
